The Healing Times Blog

This week’s topic is on envy and jealousy. The pain that arises from feelings of jealousy can be the most bewildering and obsessive, most belittling of the vast array of feelings any human being can be subjected to. For once feelings of jealousy have set in they can lead one into a negative spiral of dark, obsessive, repetitive thoughts that lead one often to the dark night of the soul, a term that is used when one reaches a state of what feels like a bottomless pit or a descent into a personal void of self-pity and loathing. These feelings then can lead to thoughts of suicide and other self-destructive behaviours such as drug use, overdose and sometimes death. This is the ultimate act of cowardice when what is needed is to look inside to seek the cause of the feelings of inadequacy and pain that initiated the downward spiral. Once one peeks inside, just a little, one will see nothing but a child of light, a spark of the divine. There is nothing worse than feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness and stupidity. These ideas surface often because we compare ourselves to others we feel are more intelligent, prettier, more educated, even those we feel are kinder than we are. In many cases we feel that others are somehow more in some way or other, than we are. While there are others who have natural skill sets like the odd virtuosi who can play an instrument naturally without lessons from an early age; these people are anomalies. They are not the norm of society. They represent no more than 1% of the population. Most people who have succeeded, whatever that means for you, have reached their level through hard work, persistence and eventually they reach a state of mastery after many years. Occasionally, someone may inherit a fortune from a relative but there again, this is not the norm. Our advice is to find out what you are really good at by reviewing the activities or subjects that interest you, particularly those that interested you at about the age of 12 years old. Chances are that many of you followed a similar path which then led you to a career or source of income as an adult. If you are lost, please return to this timeframe between the ages of 10 to about 13 years of age to retrieve the lost boy or girl within.

The hopelessness that is felt in the face of feelings of jealousy erodes one’s self confidence and good nature as when one feels self-deprecating, it is impossible to be kind and compassionate to yourself or to anyone else. We grieve for those who have fallen down the rabbit hole; the dark void that accompanies a feeling of not enough. The feeling that someone else is better than, is a deep and dark secret, as we do not want anybody to know the truth of the nature of our feelings.

A feeling of envy is somewhat different from jealousy. Envy is the wish that we had something or were something that we are not.  In a sense, it is an admiration of the person envied, versus when one feels jealous, one becomes self-deprecating and loses faith in oneself. The saying, green with envy, came about as one feels that one is suffocating when one yearns for something someone else has. Our lesson here for all who come is that you all possess something desirable — a desirable physical or emotional trait or a talent and gift which someone else may desire. We all have something enviable, whether it is worn on our sleeve, meaning visible to all, or whether it is hidden and is a quiet secret. Some human beings appear to have all the gifts in one package but there is always something missing, there is always something to learn.  There is always something that needs improvement, for you are all here to learn about different aspects of yourselves, for instance, something that was not dealt with in a past life.  These issues are not always apparent, just like desirable traits are not always apparent. You are on this earth plane once again to learn your lessons, some of you, several lessons. The harder the lifetime, the more there is to learn, the more there is to overcome in oneself, the more there is to accomplish and the closer one is to the end of the cycle of lifetimes. Many of you are unaware of lifetime cycles, but as more and more of you awaken, you are discovering that life never ends, just the particular body that you are inhabiting or the particular experience that you are having gets transformed into another experience and another body, over and over again, until you have all learned what you came to learn, until you have accomplished your goals.

What goals, you ask? You must all attain the golden key to enter the kingdom of heaven, regardless of religion you must all learn the same thing. You are all learning these lessons at different rates and during different lifetimes. Some lessons you must learn over and over again, as human kind tends to be quite stubborn and obtuse about learning life lessons. Some lessons include humbleness, gratitude, forgiveness — that’s a big one – and kindness. Forgiveness of self is really the biggest, for if you can learn to forgive yourself, you can learn to forgive others. Remember that forgiveness does not equal forgetting and allowing the being to harm you again. We mentioned this in a former video. Forgiveness means releasing the hatred and anger against the one who caused harm, so that those emotions no longer affect you.

Tutelage is required when it comes to healing one’s propensity towards jealousy. One must become mindful of one’s every thought or what goes on as background mental chatter must be monitored. The best way to monitor this is to do some mindful meditation, which means to sit quietly and breathe and take note of what is going on in the background. If one wants to find out exactly what is happening then one can access one’s inner child and have a little conversation with her or him and that then will point directly to the issue at hand. The best way to figure out if there is an issue going on subconsciously is to monitor one’s feelings. This will point the arrow to the inner child. If one’s inner child has angst or is in any kind of negative mood then one will feel it in one’s heart as sadness or depression or anger or anxiety and many other derivatives of fear. The best thing to do is to educate one’s conscious mind by speaking to one’s inner child to take the temperature and gage the lay of the land, so to speak,  then one can speak to one’s inner child and calm him or her down as kind loving parent would and offer an expanded point of view. By then one’s emotions will very quickly settle down and the adult side to oneself can continue on with their day. We hope this makes sense and if it does not, then kindly email Suzanne at the address at the end of this communication and we will be happy to assist you to access your inner child. We are certain that you will find answers there.

If you have heard us before then you will notice that we often refer to one’s inner child as a method of healing painful emotion. We feel that it is by far the most powerful form of therapy that can easily be done on one’s own without requiring a therapist, for you can be your own therapist and this method has the capacity to heal many emotionally derived ailments. This may seem very strange at first to speak to your inner child and many will think it is foolish, a waste of time.  We heartily disagree and encourage you to at least try it for a month’s time and see what happens. You can keep a journal and after every session with your inner child, you can write down any feelings that have changed, any shifts in awareness and then at some point in the future, look back and see the improvements thereby convincing yourself that this is, in fact, a bonafide method of personally directed psychotherapy.

Previously, we stated the difference between envy and jealousy which we would like to further expand. Envy occurs when one sees something that another has; could be a nicer house, it could be nicer hair, longer eyelashes, a bigger boat, a glittery lifestyle.  All these lusts are determined by one’s own desires as seen through one’s own lens, which is very personal and individual. No two people want or desire the same things. These are your own fantasies made up sometime during your life that determine what one finds desirable about another person or not.  If your perspective creates envy, then you can also uncreate it by being aware of the desire and of where the desire originated within your own mind. It could have been your childhood, it could have been or mother or your father’s desire, it could have come from a television show; something you admired or thought would be a wonderful way to live your life. Once you figure out where this desire came from, you can understand it as a fabrication of your own mind and, therefore, you can fabricate something else and then that particular desire can take its rightful place instead of on some unrealistic scale that was created by your fantasy as a small child, for example. If you watched Walt Disney in the 60s and 70s, you may find that family life was often misrepresented as something perfect and you may have thought that this is what family life should be, however, the reality is that no two human beings are perfect and that it is unrealistic to feel that anything less than perfect parents means an unhappy childhood for this is simply not true. There is no perfect parental combination and there is no perfect childhood. The idea of a perfect life runs in contrast to the reason that you were put back on the earth plane in this incarnation, for the point is to learn from your lessons and lessons generally are not pleasant so one must keep these facts in mind before one sets the bar impossibly high.

Jealousy, being somewhat different than envy, is the state of mind that leads to self-deprecation if one does not feel one measures up to the standard one has set for oneself. So if you always wanted long, blonde, curly hair with a perky little nose and big, blue, round eyes and you happen to be part of an ethnicity that simply cannot exemplify these features, are you going to be unhappy the rest of your life because you think that you are just not good enough? There are many people who think this way. Look at Michael Jackson, for example, who did not want to be black and who did not want to be associated with being black so he spent many painful years in surgery trying to change his appearance and even change the colour of his skin, which he did accomplish but this is the opposite of what will make someone happy. He was a very unhappy individual even though he had more money than any of us can hope to make in a lifetime. He was one of the unhappiest beings on this earth plane for he was jealous of everybody who had the features that he ended up with through cosmetic surgeries and skin lightening techniques. This means that every time he looked in the mirror, he was revolted and repulsed. This is what jealousy can do to a human being who becomes obsessed and compulsive about what or who they would prefer to be. Our antidote to this problem at the end of the day is to accept oneself exactly as one was created and once acceptance has occurred, there can then be peace and one can learn to be kind and compassionate to oneself and with that we end this communication. We are happy to help you to discover the root of your issues with jealousy and envy. If you would care to communicate with the lovely lady whose email is at the end of this recording, we would be most happy to welcome you and sit down for a little chat.

Bye for now.